Ads From Women
40-ish = 48
Adventurer = Has had more partners than you ever will
Athletic = Flat-chested
Average looking = Ugly
Beautiful = Pathological liar
Contagious Smile = Bring your penicillin
Educated = College dropout
Emotionally Secure = Medicated
Feminist = Fat; ball buster
Free spirit = Substance user
Friendship first = Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun = Annoying
Gentle = Comatose
Good Listener = Borderline Autistic
New-Age = All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned = Lights out, missionary position only
Open-minded = Desperate
Outgoing = Loud
Passionate = Loud
Poet = Depressive Schzophrenic
Professional = Real Witch
Redhead = Shops the Clairol section
Reubenesque = Grossly Fat
Romantic = Looks better by candle light
Voluptuous = Very Fat
Weight proportional to height = Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate = One step away from stalking
Widow = Nagged first husband to death
Young at heart = Toothless crone
Ads From Men
40-ish = 52 and looking for 25-year-old
Athletic = Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average looking = Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, and back
Educated = Will always treat you like an idiot
Free Spirit = Sleeps with your sister
Friendship first = As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun = Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking = Arrogant
Honest = Pathological Liar
Huggable = Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Like to cuddle = Insecure, overly dependent
Mature = Until you get to know him
Open-minded = Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested
Physically fit = I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring
myself
Poet = Has written on a bathroom stall
Spiritual = Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter
Sunday Stable = Occasional stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful = Says "Please" when demanding a beer
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