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Daily Love Scope |
Reading the Signs
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The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden
signs, those giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person.
Train yourself to recognize - and decode - these KEY "SIGNS."
Figuring out these moronic little indicators can save you a lot of
time and effort.
- Woman won't unlock car door for man - Doesn't engage in oral sex
- Man gets in car without opening door for woman - No foreplay
- Insists on going to a brand new restaurant - Prefers virgins
- Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the
way - Is a virgin
- Can't hail a cab - Impotent
- Insists on going to a homely little cafe with windmill motif - Compulsive
Don Quixote
- Insists on going to a romantic candle-lit restaurant - Compulsive
Don Juan
- Insists on going to a Polynesian bar - Compulsive Don Ho
- Wants to go to a French restaurant - Will swallow
- Wants to go to a deli - Won't swallow
- Takes too long deciding what to order - Has trouble reaching orgasm
- Orders salad dressing on the side - Will give you a hand job, but
will not go "all the way"
- Gives explicit orders to waiter - Will expect incredibly skillful
gymnastics in bed
- Asks for extra rolls - Will say she is using birth control when
she's not, will get pregnant and sue
- Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as "The lady
will have..." - Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't
- Asks for "The Usual" - Insists on missionary position
only
- Asks what the specials are - Will want you to use handcuffs
- Fills up on bread and crackers - Premature ejaculation
- Doesn't finish everything on plate - Has already come
- Insists on having some of whatever you ordered - Will make you sleep
on the wet spot
- Changes mind after ordering - Will never call you
- Changes tables - Nymphomaniac
- Drinks Decaffeinated. - Fakes Orgasm (Female)
- Orders in French - Fakes Orgasm (Male)
- Sends food back - Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends,
then try to borrow money
- Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts - Needs you to talk dirty
during sex
- Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers - Wants a handjob
- Orders a dessert involving nuts - Castrating Bitch
- Wants to split dessert - Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move
in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball
posters
- Credit card is refused - Low sperm count
- Under tips waiter - Small penis
- Under tips parking valet - Small penis
- Under tips cabby - Small penis
- Uses toothpick - Is trying to tell you size isn't everything
- Removable cassette player in car - Pulls out repeatedly during sex
- Cellular phone in car - Penile implant
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