How do you know if you're in love, in lust, or really married?
LOVE: When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST: When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE: When you lose your child in crowded room.
LOVE: When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST: When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE: What the hell are you talking about?
LOVE: When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST: When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE: When you argue over money.
LOVE: When you share everything you own.
LUST: When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE: When the bank owns everything.
LOVE: When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST: When the relationship is over if you don't
climax.
MARRIAGE: What's a climax?
LOVE: When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
LUST: When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
MARRIAGE: When you phone each other to bitch.
LOVE: When you write poems about your partner.
LUST: When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE: When all you write is checks.
LOVE: When you show concern for your partner's feelings.
LUST: When you couldn't give a shit.
MARRIAGE: When your only concern is what's on TV.
LOVE: When your farewell is "I love you, darling..."
LUST: When your farewell is "So, same time next
week..."
MARRIAGE: When your farewell is a relief.
LOVE: When you are proud to be seen in public with
your partner.
LUST: When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE: When you never see each other awake.
LOVE: When your heart flutters everytime you see
them.
LUST: When your groin twitches everytime you see
them.
MARRIAGE: When your wallet empties everytime you
see them.
LOVE: When nobody else matters.
LUST: When nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE: When everybody else matters and you don't
care who knows.
LOVE: When all the songs on the radio describe exactly
how you feel.
LUST: When the song on the radio determines how you
do it.
MARRIAGE: When you listen to talk radio.
LOVE: When breaking up is something you try not
to think about.
LUST: When staying together is something you try
not to think about.
MARRIAGE: When just getting through today is your
only thought.
LOVE: When you're only interested in doing things
with your partner.
LUST: When you're only interested in doing things
TO your partner.
MARRIAGE: When you're only interested in your golf
score.
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