This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College.
For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from
Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never
had the courage. Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at
home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they
make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes
out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming
back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through
20 minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom.
After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but
he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want
to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her
again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York
City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he
excuses himself during the appetizers to use the bathroom. They enjoy
the rest of the appetizers without interruption, but he has to go
back again during the entrees. They decide to get dessert.
During dessert, our hero feels another rumbling, but doesn't want
to look like complete bathroom freak, so he holds it. After a few
minutes, the rumbling subsides, but he still has a bit of gas stored
up. He decides to let this little bit of gas fly right there at the
table (discreetly, of course). Unfortunately, this little bit of gas
came with another little surprise. "Oh crap," he thinks
(and feels). Instead of running to the bathroom right away, our hero
immediately leans on the arms of his chair to keep from sitting on
this surprise.
He maintains this yoga position for the rest of dessert, trying to
figure out what to do before his tan pants (a) start to smell, or
(b) start to show stains on the outside. He quickly pays for dinner
and they leave the restaurant. Oh, by the way,he is walking like a
cowboy. On the way to the train station, they pass the Gap. "Do
you mind if I run in and buy a sweater that I was looking at last
week?" he asks. "No problem, I'd like to look around too,"
she replies.
They go into the Gap. Fortunately, at the Gap, men's fashions are
on the right, women's fashions are on the left. They split up. Our
hero grabs the first sweater within reach, and hurries back to the
khakis. After selecting a pair that most closely resemble his current
outfit, he brings both items to the register. His eyes are on his
date (still on the other side of the store) to make sure that she
doesn't see him buying the pants. He doesn't even want the sweater,
so he says through clenched teeth (just in case his date can read
lips from 40 feet away) "Just the pants." "What?"
asks the Gap girl. "Just the pants!" (Eyes still trained
on his date.) Gap girl: "Oh, OK." He pays for the pants
and walks over to his date, then they leave the store.
They board the train just before it leaves the station and find two
seats in the middle of the car. Without sitting down, our hero excuses
himself and walks to the bathroom in the back of the car. He gets
to the bathroom as the train departs, and quickly rips off his pants
and boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and throws them out the
window. After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls
out... just the sweater.
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